Friday, November 09, 2007

H, I and a bit of an update

The letter "H"

I obsess about my greying Hairs. I feel so young, yet my body defies me whenever it can and these obnixous grey hairs sprout out wherever and whenever they want. The grey eyebrow hair is the one that makes me the craziest. Have to pluck that puppy out whenever I see it. My grandmother used to say, "I don't understand why all of my granddaughters have to color their hair"...well, grandma, we did not get the genes that allow us to have brown hair until we are in our 90's like you did. Must be a Bursley trait. never really appreciate it until you do not have it...physical or mental. I have been challenged by a son who was having congestive heart failure at age three from Thalassemia, a husband who is a paraplegic, my beloved mother's battle with Alzheimers disease and this past few weeks, I have been battling my own demons with depression. Nobody really knows how you feel inside when you feel that everything is hopeless and doomed. I feel like I have failed my family and myself. I feel like I am not a good friend. I tend to avoid being with my friends so that I do not have to make believe that all is well. Tomorrow I am supposed to go to a crop and I have been looking for reasons to stay at home. I want to just be alone. I have had my meds changed twice this week and the first one TOTALLY TOOK AWAY ANY SEMBLANCE OF AN APPETITE THAT I HAD. (wellbutrin for those who are looking to diet). I am now on Buspar and the only good thing that I have noticed so far is that I have not had a headache for four days and my neck and shoulder pain is gone. I still feel very alone and weepy.

Home...please buy mine...I need something that is easier to manage....

The letter "I"

Iced tea (with lemon)...My favorite drink. Nothing else quenches my thirst. No sugar or fruit flavoring. Just plain old tea. Gotta love it.

Indiana-Valparaiso...I spent three years of my life going to college here.. in the midst of a corn field...JC Penny closed at 5pm...the town's claim to fame was that Orville Redenbacher was born there. They do have his testing fields there and we could go to the factory and get bags (and I mean 39 gallon bags) of popcorn for free.

OK...I it has been a lousy few weeks in the Kaszar household. Rick was in the hospital for a bowel obstruction at the Cleveland Clinic. He came home with a nice bedsore. He has to follow a "GI soft diet" for the rest of his life. The doctor in no uncertain terms told him that if he comes in again with this it is straight to the OR, no questions asked. They were able to decompress his belly with an NG tube and no food or drinking for over a week. It was so hard to manage kids, dog, work, school...thanks to Dad and Val for helping with getting the kids from school for me.

The house is a mess too which is not making it any easier on me. Ricky has two dress rehearsals left and then three performances for the fall production. They are doing four one act plays. Ricky is directing one and starring in another. Junior ring ceremony is also this week. Sunday morning the Academic Challenge team is taping the meet at WEWS-tv (channel 5) and I need to be there since I am the "team mom". No down time for me.

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