R, S, T...all that is missing is some E...

R....Rick, of course! I have married my best friend and the love of my life. I do think that we need a weekend away, just the two of us. No KIDS! We need some re-connection. I would even settle for someone taking the kids for the weekend and letting us stay home alone. He is my best friend. I am glad that he picked me.
Ricky....he is alot like me in attitude, but he hates to hear me say it, he looks just like his dad. No denying that kid. He is overly sensitive, loves to hear gossip, is creative, and loves to read. The only fault that I can find is that he loves garbage reality TV shows...New York and Tia Tequila. I hate that garbage.
Rest...Cannot get enough of that. Lately, I am so tired that I feel I cannot wait to go to bed. I think that I am getting too much stress in my life that I cannot escape even in my sleep. I barely sleep anymore.

S...sisters-cannot say enough about mine. I love them dearly. I can say that I feel that my sisters are always there for me and accept me for who and what I am ( a pain in the neck).
We have been through a lot together in losing our mother, and I think she would be proud of how we have grown together and have matured as women and remained friends and sisters. I love you both, Cindy and Val.
Scrapbooking....a mental outlet for me. It has gained me many dear friends and has given me an outlet for my creative juices. I prayed that it would be my vocation, but that was not to be. It broke my heart to sell the store. My true friends have stayed there beside me and stayed supportive of me.

T....Iced tea of course! My all time favorite drink.
Trust...always an issue with me. I tell my kids if I cannot trust you on the little things, how can I trust you when it is something big? I hate lying.

I am no where near ready for Christmas and do not know how I am ever going to pull this off. I lose sleep over this too, I know, I am a worrier.

Thanks for listening to my rantings. Love you...

More P's please...

I forgot to mention my favorite "P"...Paige Elizabeth. I love this girl. Not only is she BEAUTIFUL...she is fun, smart and talented. She is such a loving girl. I am so blessed to have her as my niece, goddaughter, and hopefully my friend. I love you Paige.

Minding my P's and Q's

The letter "P'...
I do love my own name, does that sound weird? I never wanted to change my name when I grew up. Pam.
Purses...I could never be Imelda Marcos because of the size of my feet, so I do have a love for purses...I even name some of them...Dotty, Betty, Rosie, old Blue...
Perfume....my husband is VERY picky as to which perfumes I wear. He and his father get nauseated to the point of sickness from colognes. I can only wear spicy scents, nothing floral. He picks out what I wear.

The letter "Q"
Quicken Loans Arena...aka "the Q". Got to love the spirit of the place. We have made so many friends there. Leroy is my favorite. He is such a sweetheart...
Quiet time...yes, I talk alot, but I like time to myself. I like to sit and read and to recharge my batteries. I may not have peace and quiet, could have the radio, or TV on, but I love "me" time.

as to the more pressing items of the day...please send up a prayer for my friend, Trish's mother, Carol. She has suffered a heart attack and has been fighting a battle with cancer. She has been winning the cancer battle only to have this befall her. She has so many things to live a long life for... the three beautiful children of Trish and Chris come to mind....
Give her some prayers for healing and prayers of comfort for her family. Our love to you all.

I am indigo...

Your dominant hues are blue and magenta. You're the one who goes to all the parties but doesn't quite fit in at every one... you know what you want, but are afraid of what the world might think of it. You're a little different and that's okay with them, and if you're smart it's okay with you too.Your saturation level is very high - you are all about getting things done. The world may think you work too hard but you have a lot to show for it, and it keeps you going. You shouldn't be afraid to lead people, because if you're doing it, it'll be done right.Your outlook on life can be bright or dark, depending on the situation. You are flexible and see things objectively.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

N and O and I don't mean...NO

OK, it was a hellish day at work and I am bushed. Almost thirty patients for procedures. Whew! Not to mention that I stayed up late to watch "The Next Iron Chef" ...Yipee for Michael Symon! I actually went to his restaurant, Lola's, before he became one of the "beautiful people". It was so exciting to watch a Clevelander get National/international recognition. And then I heard that all of the other Iron Chefs came to his restaurant last night for supper to celebrate.

The letter "N"

I am actually a decent needlepointer (is that a word?). I took lessons years ago and really find it relaxing. Haven't done it lately, but winter is now here....

Nightgowns...I am not the fondest of flannel, I love LOOSE necked, and loose armed gowns with a wide bottom (not mine, the gown's)made of a soft knit. I cannot feel strangled when I sleep.

Nick...my baby. I love this kid. He loves to come in and cuddle, even at age 13. He loves to lay on my shoulder. He has a tender heart and a killer smile.


The letter "O"
O-H-I-O...(just for you Trent, I spelled it that way). I am born and bred Ohioan. I love the scarlet and grey and make the hand motions to spell out Ohio whenever I hear "Hang on Sloopy" (which should be the state song)

Orange...now wild about this color. Makes me look jaundiced.

L and M...

The letter "L"
Love. Enough said.

Letters...nobody writes letters anymore. It is becoming a lost art. I got a quick note from one of the teachers at Elyria Catholic whom I have become close to this week. Her daughter was having a bad time in public school and was enrolled in St. Judes...Nick's grade. I talked to her at great length about it because she is a widow and doesn't have anyone to bounce things off of. I feel bad that she has to make these decisions by herself. She is so kind...anyhow, the note was so sweet. I miss getting the good old hand written note.

Leisure time. Not enough, not frequent enough. I know...I have teenagers and they are go-go-go with activities. I miss spending a quiet weekend as a family.

The letter "M"
The deviant male gene. Why can't they lift a toilet seat? Why must the first thing they pick up be the remote control and change the channel that I had been watching a movie on for over an hour.

MOM...I miss her. With her birthday last week, I have spent a lot of time thinking about her. It is funny...when I drive by the cemetery, I always say hi to her. My boys tell me that my sister, Valerie does that same thing. She always made a big production of Thanksgiving dinner. She would often invite someone who was having problems or was alone to dinner. You would never know who would show up. She had such a good heart...I see that in all three of us daughters of hers. I want to make a cookbook this year with all of my mom's "special" recipes.
I have yet to stuff a Turkey, and frankly I am ashamed that I haven't accomplished that. I wish I was the cook that my mom was. She was also a clean freak. I remember the one and only time that I truly argued with my mom...she came over and criticized me for having a dirty refrigerator grate. Yes, she was meticulous. She was great with crafts...she crocheted scrubbing pads from netting, made the large majority of our Barbie doll clothes...and our Barbies had trunks of clothes. I hope I make you proud mom.

Marti Mihalko is my other best friend. I love her dearly. I give Marti so much credit, she raised a wonderful son all alone without help from a husband. She is a survivor. She is always there when I am down and is so much fun to be around. She is well read...she reads so many different types of books and I tend to pidgeon hole myself into certain kinds of books. She is so close with her family and I love and admire that. Marti and I are both nurses, so we can talk work trash with each other. Love you, girlfriend. She is the Laverne to my Shirley, the Thelma to my Louise.

Busy weekend with kiddos having projects due this week that involved videotaping of productions. Nick did a newscast from the ancient greek Olympics and Ricky was doing a religon project. Kids all over the house. Hopefully I can get some sleep tonight...was up three times last night. I hate when that happens.

Random acts of Kindness...J and K

OK...just when you are having one of the worst periods in your life, people reach out and pull you back to earth. Today, my sister's sister in law, Karen, called me out of the blue. She had heard that Rick had been really ill and in the hospital and that I was having a tough time. She brought us two prepared meals. I sat in my room and cried. I have been so overwhelmed and this coming week does not look like it is going to get any better. It was just such a kind suprise. I don't know if there would be anyway to let her know just how much that meant to me. I try to be that kind of friend, and hope that I have made such an impact on others like that. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Karen.
My peeps called me today too. Both of them called me, one after the other. I was going to back out on a class today and they got me moving and getting ready for the class. I did feel guilty going because Rick was stuck with Kids having projects that needed to be completed this weekend-one being a teenager with an attitude...but I have put up with that same attitude for the two weeks that he was so sick. I needed that break more than I knew. I got the album put together, but I need to go over to my dad's house to dig for pictures. I am doing the album about him, I think. I started a book about mom and am having too many emotional problems right now to work on it. I miss her so much ...she would have gotten me to go for help. It's not that I am against counseling, but I have been three times and have never gotten any advice that I didn't already know....I think I need an ECT (electoconvulsive therapy...also known as shock treatment)...kill a few brain cells and make yourself forget about what is bothering you.

The letter "J"
I love a good Joke.

I love stawberry Jam. Bonne Maman is my favorite brand. Some warm toast with a little butter and a thick layer of Jam. Yummm....

Jeans...who doesn't love them? I can now wear ones with a real waist band instead of an elastic waistband.

The letter "K"

I am so fortunate to have two best friends. One of them is my friend, Karen Fernkorn. I love her. She always makes me laugh. I want to be like her....so well put together, such business saavy, and she is beautiful inside and out. She has a sweet hubby and two beautiful boys. I love her creativity. I just plain love the girl.

Kaszar...my last name. Glad that I married that man of mine. He is my best friend and my love. We really do complement each other so well. I am so lucky to have had him for these past 23 years....I am blessed by this.

H, I and a bit of an update

The letter "H"

I obsess about my greying Hairs. I feel so young, yet my body defies me whenever it can and these obnixous grey hairs sprout out wherever and whenever they want. The grey eyebrow hair is the one that makes me the craziest. Have to pluck that puppy out whenever I see it. My grandmother used to say, "I don't understand why all of my granddaughters have to color their hair"...well, grandma, we did not get the genes that allow us to have brown hair until we are in our 90's like you did. Must be a Bursley trait.

Health...you never really appreciate it until you do not have it...physical or mental. I have been challenged by a son who was having congestive heart failure at age three from Thalassemia, a husband who is a paraplegic, my beloved mother's battle with Alzheimers disease and this past few weeks, I have been battling my own demons with depression. Nobody really knows how you feel inside when you feel that everything is hopeless and doomed. I feel like I have failed my family and myself. I feel like I am not a good friend. I tend to avoid being with my friends so that I do not have to make believe that all is well. Tomorrow I am supposed to go to a crop and I have been looking for reasons to stay at home. I want to just be alone. I have had my meds changed twice this week and the first one TOTALLY TOOK AWAY ANY SEMBLANCE OF AN APPETITE THAT I HAD. (wellbutrin for those who are looking to diet). I am now on Buspar and the only good thing that I have noticed so far is that I have not had a headache for four days and my neck and shoulder pain is gone. I still feel very alone and weepy.

Home...please buy mine...I need something that is easier to manage....

The letter "I"

Iced tea (with lemon)...My favorite drink. Nothing else quenches my thirst. No sugar or fruit flavoring. Just plain old tea. Gotta love it.

Indiana-Valparaiso...I spent three years of my life going to college here.. in the midst of a corn field...JC Penny closed at 5pm...the town's claim to fame was that Orville Redenbacher was born there. They do have his testing fields there and we could go to the factory and get bags (and I mean 39 gallon bags) of popcorn for free.

OK...I it has been a lousy few weeks in the Kaszar household. Rick was in the hospital for a bowel obstruction at the Cleveland Clinic. He came home with a nice bedsore. He has to follow a "GI soft diet" for the rest of his life. The doctor in no uncertain terms told him that if he comes in again with this it is straight to the OR, no questions asked. They were able to decompress his belly with an NG tube and no food or drinking for over a week. It was so hard to manage kids, dog, work, school...thanks to Dad and Val for helping with getting the kids from school for me.

The house is a mess too which is not making it any easier on me. Ricky has two dress rehearsals left and then three performances for the fall production. They are doing four one act plays. Ricky is directing one and starring in another. Junior ring ceremony is also this week. Sunday morning the Academic Challenge team is taping the meet at WEWS-tv (channel 5) and I need to be there since I am the "team mom". No down time for me.